The end game of dating; choosing your life’s mate

“Choose Your Life’s Mate carefully. From this one decision will come ninety percent of all your happiness or misery” -H. Jackson Brown Jr.


“ “The only thing worse than being alone is being with the wrong person” Reuben Schmidt, 89 years old—happily married to Joyce Schmidt for 53 years.


Look around you. What do you feel when you see couples that are wonderfully happy together?


Happy and joyful couples bless everyone they come in contact with. They uplift those they are around by their loving connection.


On the other hand I am sure that you know what it feels like to be around couples who are unhappy and in conflict. It is difficult to be around them and they pull the energy down around them.


Couples positively or negatively affect their families, the community they live in and the world at large.


As people have become more conscious about themselves they have also become more conscious about the kind of partner they are looking for.


Rather than making decisions based on superficial qualities – he’s attractive, she makes good money – people are starting to look deeper as to what they want in a partnership. I see many individuals as well as with couples who are struggling within their relationship because of basic incompatibility – they should never have been together to begin with.


I hear from people that they knew on their wedding day that they were making a mistake and years later they were struggling to make something work that was unworkable from the start.


It takes courage to look at a relationship with clear honesty and say – “This is not going to be a good match for me in the long run”.  It is best to make this decision early on because the consequences of waiting get greater and greater purely because if you do get married to a person that is wrong for you there is the pain of divorce and if there are kids involved there is even more pain. Or if you are in a long term relationship – the pain of separation is considerably higher after having your lives so intertwined.


There are various aspects that point towards whether a person is ready to meet their life partner.  Amongsth them are the following:


–          Are all of the areas of their life working for them; and

–          Have they addressed the emotional issues from past relationships?


You also have to have a reasonably good idea about what you are looking for in a partner and conciously move towards finding the right person.  And then you have to be clear in your own mind that you are ready for a committed relationship.  You also have to where and how you are most likely to meet your potential life partner and how you are going to attract them.  Ultimately it means effectively meeting people, developing networks and sorting the likely candidates.


Don’t forget that the other person is more than likely doing the same even if it is at a subconscious level.


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Relationships: Dating Problems

Hi Guys,

I hope that you’ve all had a really great day.

Some of the problems arising from dating occur through a lack of communication rather than of incompatibility.

Communication is a two way street. If one-person talks all the time whilst the other only listens, that is not communication. It also involves being a good listener. By that I mean really listen to the other person instead of thinking about what you are going to say next.

When it comes to incompatibility I have gone out with women, which according to others perceptions, were totally incompatible for me. And guess what? We had a great time together.

I was interested in them and made an effort to get to know them.

There will be times that you will go out with someone and things just don’t jell. This could be that you are just not right for each other. That’s OK. It happens.

Communication is extremely important during a relationship. The problem is that we have almost never been taught to communicate properly. We tend to have difficulties in expressing our feelings. Its not that we have to wear our hearts on our sleeves or that we have to be all touchy feely – we should just be honest about the way we feel and communicate this clearly.

Another problem regarding communication is not being clear about what you want and expressing this clearly.

When you communicate properly with each other you will quickly discover what you have in common and whether you are right for each other.

You don’t have to have the same likes and dislikes or even the same interests. I for one am not interested in going out with my clone.

However, if you are too radically different or you have different goals with regards to the relationship then maybe it would be wise to cut your losses. After all you cannot force a relationship.

It is quite important to communicate what you want out of your relationship so that there are no misunderstandings.

Relationship can be put under strain when one person in the relationship is needier than the other person. For instance, if you want your space but the other person is needy, always wanting to know where you are, whom you are with and what you are doing. This type of person will ultimately try to control your life. If you let this type of person control you, you will find that your friends will all drift away.

More often than not dating problems occur when your or your date’s communication skills are not up to par.

You have to be at ease with the person you are with so you can talk to them. Being at ease with the person you are with allows you to relax, open up and enjoy your time with them

If you are uncomfortable in expressing yourself to the person you are with it could be time to reconsider your relationship with her.

Being comfortable with and being able to really communicate with your date will show you how compatible you are with each other. If you don’t have these two things then you should possibly only consider a good friendship.

I would really appreciate your comment on the above.

As always, I wish you everything I wish myself.

Until the next time.


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